Blood Is NOT Thicker Than Water

In today's episode, we discuss the relationships you choose to form; sealed by intention, loyalty, shared hardships—like friendships, shared experiences, or commitments—can be considerably more meaningful and long-lasting than those you are born into or inherit. The quote "Blood Is Thicker Than Water" is the exact opposite of what we use it for today.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Art of Conversation. It's your girl Alicia C. And we outcha recording live. Yo. Happy Friday, everyone. Good morning. I hope you're feeling fabulous this Friday. I hope you're feeling free this Friday. The weekend is here. All right. Time to debrief and relax and chill and focus on self. You know, every week. Every motion. Every week. Every routine. Every week. Every flavor. The title of today's episode is Blood is not thicker than water. Uh-uh. No, it's not. It ain't, it ain't, it ain't not always the case. Not always. We hear this saying used quite a bit, right? But what does it mean? I mean, life is about experience. As you grow up, you learn, you get hurt, you learn lessons. You discover certain truths, your mindset will occasionally change things within yourself and outside of yourself will never remain the same. And I guess it takes some of us time to understand that, right? I think every human, human being, because you know, if you haven't experienced anything, and if no one has educated you on certain things, you really wouldn't know. You don't know what to expect unless you go through that experience and learn the outcome in X, Y, and Z, right? You'll question yourself and you'll question those around you. We talk about early childhood a lot and how early childhood development occurs. I mean, you know, it's from infancy, right? Because sometimes you know, the the baby is absorbing, the infant is absorbing the mother's energy, the mother's nutrients, etc., right? So from infancy to age five. Specifically age five and up is when they are like total sponges. They're absorbing and mirroring what they see, hear, accept, etc. You know, this is conditioning behavior, forming the subconscious mind. But for some, within time, eventually, people tend to realize that. With some of these traits, behaviors, you know, way of living, way of thinking, way of showing up in the world, it's not really that beneficial. Sometimes you learn things later in life that you were taught younger was right and it wasn't. And then you look at the dynamic or the people who for whom you've learned these things from, and you see that it was basically a contradiction, right? So I'll give the example of let's just say you have a family dynamic, and you know, you hear the terms generational curses, generational trauma get tossed around a lot, cycles, you know, conditionings, you know, mindset, etc., that happens within a bloodline. Like every generation experiences this pattern, how to break this toxic or negative pattern to move forward. So I'll use the example of maybe you have a family dynamic where all of like each family dynamic, either one or both of the parents don't know one of their parents. And then as you grow older, you notice that in each family within your bloodline, you notice that it's broken homes, and that that is a pattern, that's a cycle that I see. I'm just hypothetically saying, you know, this is something that I notice and I see. Um why do we do this? What's the root of it? Etc. Same thing can go for favoritism, favoring one gender, favoring one child over the other. Um, maybe there's a family where every son or every daughter is an alcoholic or is a smoker, or you you get where I'm coming from, right? Everyone is mirroring. This is a common thing. Why does so many people in this bloodline, specifically the males, so to speak, all smoke and end up with lung cancer, or all the women in this bloodline are alcoholics and this and this. And it makes you kind of, you know, as you should, self-reflect on yourself and those around you, those who you call family that you share the same DNA with. And it makes you wonder, okay, is this conditioning? Is this something in the genetics? Uh-uh. If you care to know. But I say all that to say when we hear about betrayal from those who you share the same DNA with, uh one of the toughest and most painful betrayals are those that come from your own family. Like it's your family, right? And as I've stated, some people realize that just because you share DNA with someone doesn't automatically mean they have a place in your life, especially if boundaries are consistently being violated. So we look at family, and sometimes your first abusers, bullies, enemies, the the the sometimes these are the people that bring you the most pain. It's unfortunate because you would think the people you've grown up with, you've learned they know you to a certain extent, uh, you've trusted, you've loved, don't see or feel the same way about you. And you come to realize that if it were a matter of life or death, some of them would leave you for dead. Some of them will leave you hanging in the end and just tend and focus on themselves. But this is family, right? That word gets used quite a bit as well. Family. Sometimes people greet each other, yo, what up, fam? Yo, it is family right here. How so? I remember I um I asked somebody, I'm like, we go through so many generations and trends of words. What qualifies someone to be called or you know, considered fam or king and queen? And the responses is always hilarious. You know, some people is like, you know, I call this friend or my closest friends or best friend, whatever, family because they know me better than my own family or I know them, X, Y, Z, vice versa. They always got my back, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's a reason why, right? But then it's like if your actual family doesn't operate as the family, you know, value the same things as you, as what you identify and believe to be a family. If your own family is not like that, how would you know to call this person family? Like, I'm not trying to get too too technical, but it's always interesting to see because you can have outside, you know, relationships that aren't family-based. And you love these people, love you dearly, you love them dearly, and they would never think to hurt you or betray you in the same way that your own family has or does. KDH counseling shares that the quote, blood is thicker than water, is often interpreted as families. Blood is a stronger bond than any other non-family relationship. True. True, true, true, true, true, true. It's true. And that's the irony, right? It's like an oxymoron. But even though this is true, it should be this way, unfortunately, it's not. You see, we're we grow to learn and understand and value, respect. And you know, just believe that family bonds are unbreakable. There's no way in hell your family could or should be doing that. There's no way in hell your family members are jealous of you. There's no way in hell your family members are going to take your life. There's no way in hell. Yeah, yeah. Like it's bizarre, right? What? No way. Yes, way, unfortunately. And then it goes back down to people not being, you know, good people, fighting a battle that is spiritual, not physical, and understanding and being aware and knowing when someone is not right, trusting that and not questioning, well, this person is related to me. This is my uh father, mother, brother, cousin, whoever the relation is. There's no way that they would be thinking of doing me doing me any harm or anything like that. But it's just I can't shake this gut feeling, but it's just no way, right? Trusting your intuition. Like, yeah, on the surface, it's supposed to be this way, but you can't expect just because you came from the same DNA that you guys are all gonna be wired the same way. You know, you could have a family dynamic, mom, dad, both, you know, parents in the household, son, daughter, dog, you know, all the other family involved, friends, blah blah blah. And somewhere during teenage years, the son turns into a complete psychopath, serial killer. What could have triggered it? What's going on? This is an open family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What? And I mean, you know, then everyone's gonna start questioning what could have caused him to do this? Does he need to be evaluated? Is this some kind of diagnosis? Does it run in the family? Is it genetic that that that that that that that dah? Just saying. But by saying that blood is not thicker, you're implying that the relationships you choose, like friendships, partnerships, are more powerful than those you inherit. Yeah. Yeah. What is something that all of us have in common? It's relatable. Every single last one of us, human beings, all of us, we inherit generational trauma. We inherit generational wealth. We inherit medical conditions, we inherit diabetes, like you know what I'm saying? Mental health conditions, diabetes. Well, that would fall under medical. Uh we like you you gotta like hypothetically speaking, like you you have to look at the things that you see is a pattern within your family, and question sometimes, hey, did I inherit this? Or yes, I inherit this, but I know this is not good, and I see from those ahead of me the detrimental effect it has. Maybe if I can and really want to, I have the ability, the power to change that. Might be, perhaps, but it depends on the person, right? This is your family. Yeah, but something, something ain't right. That's your family. It looks like your family on the outside, but underneath that is a whole demon, negative spirit that is just waiting for the right opportunity to prance on you, unfortunately. And you don't have to just be aware of strangers and the government and the outside world. Be aware of those around you, and it's just general, those including your own damn kids. We hear stories about kids turning on parents, family members, and we're gonna go into that shortly too. Be aware of those around you, those who you call friends, those who you call your partner, spouse, your children, your family, etc., co-workers, exes. Be aware, watch your surroundings. But we understand why people choose friendships and partnerships over their own family. Because those relationships have provided them with what it is that they're looking for that the family can't provide or choose to withhold. Maybe these relationships and partnerships are fruitful and show care, love, support, the things that they're expecting the family to do, and the family doesn't. And many of us have experienced some level of this, right? Every fun, every family dynamic has experienced that. Usually you don't get support from people who know you, your family and your so-called friends, right? So-called family, too. They call it so-called, even though, yeah, you're related, but you're supposed to be family, but you don't operate in that sense. You get more support from strangers, people that don't know you than people who know you. Or people don't celebrate you until they actually see you make it, or et cetera, et cetera. Right? It's true. There are people that you consider family than your own family, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. If you feel you can trust them more than your own family, it's sad, but that's the truth. It is what it is. And I feel like that kind of mindset where it's oh, blood is thicker than water, is very it's misused like many other things in the world because it's like, well, then that means, oh, no matter what, you must tolerate and put up with this person's X, Y, and Z because they are in relation to you, this that's what makes it all right and makes it tolerable for you. But you can't, it's just crazy. It's actually uh manipulative and very abusive because it's like, oh, because this person is like a matriarch, a mother, uh, aunt, a grandmother, or patriarch, father, uncle, etc. They have the power and authority to do this, y, and X, Y, and Z to you, but you can't because of you're the child, you're the niece, you're the nephew, you're like a few steps underneath them. They're the authoritative figure. And you are to forgive and continue to allow them to do this, and it's fucked up. So you see why people distance themselves and don't hold truth to that saying, that quote. Why am I bringing this up? Well, current news, I believe it was earlier this week the victim Julia Anderson, a 39-year-old African-American woman that was shot twice in her chest. I believe she was going to her car, her Jeep. Um, this happened in uh the Bronx. Many people were saying off the rip it seemed like a personal attack. This was someone who was considered kind, uh decent, and good person, citizen, worked with, you know, developmentally uh disabled adults, you know, has a rap sheet of people not uttering basically one bad word about her, right? Who could have done this? Who, who, who, who, who? It's definitely personal. Maybe check someone she has dated, check the exes. Yeah. So as of yesterday, we find out that it was her uncle. Her uncle was arrested and charged with murdering his niece. Right. Blood is thicker than water. What the hell happened here, right? So we hear reports mentioning the shooting may have stemmed from a disagreement involving a home that the two shared in Mount Vernon, and it became the subject of an inheritance dispute. I think it was the late grandmother who had left the house for the granddaughter, Julia Anderson, right? Uh like that shit is crazy. That shit is crazy, and there's some mixed reviews on it because some people are saying the mother, uh, Julia Anderson's mother, which is the uncle's sister, she had to have known. Like, if you guys are bickering and having a dispute, you had to have known that if he was capable of doing this and had a history of gun possession and all this reckless uh behavior was, you know, he has a rap sheet. And whatever how that dispute went, it's like if you knew that the house was in your niece's name and you're arguing with her mother, and you want to get back because they're saying that she may have forged the paperwork, whatever. We don't really know, don't have validity to that, but allegedly she forged, you know, paperwork, and um they're saying the mom had to have known her brother was gonna kill um her daughter, and the crazy thing is if that is the case, that takes the the granddaughter, Julia Anderson, out of the picture, which means the mother gets the house, he still doesn't get the house because it was between him and the sibling, and it's just crazy, crazy. So you shot your niece, you thought that killing your niece and you still ain't getting that house, dumbass. You took your niece's life for a piece of material that shit blood is thick, but but blood is thicker than water, right? And not to get too too too deep. This is crazy because I think about um on my father's side of the family. My grandmother had passed away, I think this was back in like 2015. Yeah. And she lived in Barbados, so my father's side of the family, he's from Barbados, they're all from Barbados. And so my grandmother had her house and a piece of land, and fast forward she passed away. So it was a lot of like bickering back and forth on who was in the will, who got taken out the will, who gets what. Like, so it's not like she was in her right mind. It was just mad shit and removing some of the brothers off of the will, but they weren't taking care of the house and the land. It was just a whole bunch of shit. And I think my father and like another uncle were trying to like get like ownership of. Of it and I still don't know where where they are they're at with this. It was just a lot that goes through a lot, it requires a lot legally documentated, like it's just a lot. So I say all that to say that it was just this big fuss and fight. And I'm like, well, thankfully that I know of you guys aren't that evil to do something like that. But it's just the fact of when you have things like this and families that operate off of greed and control, you know, you don't know the lengths some people would go, the extreme, to get what they want. And it's just it's just crazy. Um, but you know, just to add on to that, now on my mother's side of the family, um my grandmother had passed away back in 2001. Um, very unexpected, but uh my mother's side, my mother's Jamaican, my mother's side of the family, they're from Jamaica. Now, that side of the family is very money hungry, and so long story short, one thing that um some of the members of my family on my mother's side um enjoy is like lottoes, playing lotto, not heavily, like heavy, heavy, heavily gambling or anything, but lottoes. And I remember my grandmother used to play religiously, even to the point that me and my cousin used to try to take the scratch-offs from her and hide it. Like, you need to slow down. Like we used to try to take the scratch-offs and her cigarettes, like you need to chill out on both. She said before she died, she was going to hit the lottery, hit some a number, some numbers before she died. We was like, ah, you can't win these things. These things, just luck, blah blah blah. I mean, really religiously heavy, writing numbers and just like picking her hair, like really concentrating on the numbers, and we like like we would never get it. Anyway, this was just before, so she she traveled to Jamaica to see um one of my uncles who had got deported back, and she wind up passing away down there. But before she left, she played these numbers, gave it to one of my uncles who currently lives up here, told them to go cash it out, check it. She was so sure of herself, too. She was so sure that she was right about those numbers. Anyway, he came back, said that no, she didn't hit those weren't the numbers, the winning numbers. And she was so confused, like hella puzzled, man. Like mad puzzled. Like everybody was talking about like I could have swore. And then, you know, she just brushed it off. Like, I could have sworn that was it. Like she felt real, real good about them numbers. Like, you know, she played here and there, you know, you hit, you lose, you know, tit for tat, whatever. But she was so damn sure this time, she was like, hmm. Anyway, you know, last time I seen my grandmother, she was uh, we were all at one of my cousins, my younger cousins' uh birthday parties. And so that happened, and we were all there. It was a barbecue party, it was like a double party for my cousin and her friend. And yeah, that was the last night I saw her, and she flew to Jamaica the next morning, and we found out she passed away down there, but then in the midst of her death, we found out that she had hit the lottery up here. We never found out the exact amount, but we found out it was a lot that she hit. My lion ass deceiving uncle took the money. So, you know, we go back to this ideology of uh blood is thicker than water, right? So it's like, uh, what was that? Why'd you do that? Right. So never came out his mouth and admitted that he did it, but people were like, Yo, he kept the money. That's why he made sure that he was the only one that paid for the funeral and was out in Jamaica spending that woman's money left and right, because it it's basically blood money. It's you had to get it off your hands. Like, that wasn't you, it you it wasn't your call because he knows my grandmother was a very kind and giving person. He knows that she would have split it with all of her kids and grandkids, both in the United States and back in Jamaica. He didn't want that, and it wasn't his call to say who deserved a cut or not, but he felt like he needed to be in control and he took those matters into his own hands. And we know that nothing you do in life goes unseen. So I say that to say, is blood thicker than water? I'm like, you got that guilt just because you paid for this, paid for that, spent the money, you still have to deal with that on your guilty conscience. Because what for what reason? And it's the fact that she was so sure that that that she hit, and then for him to say no, and then like the woman winds up dying like a week or two week, week to two weeks later, and then it's just like now you have to get the money off. And this is one of the cheapest uncles on my mother's side of the family. A cheap ass motherfucker, cheap. So you volunteering and not asking nobody to chip in. Everybody was already like, yeah, nah. Cuz any other time, years prior, anyone travels down there and they send in barrels or anything, everybody's talking about who's contributing. This time you ain't asked nobody for shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kerry Couching shares some pointers, how to protect yourself from toxic family members. One, if it's possible, move out and move on without them. What we cannot control, unfortunately, is the behavior of others, good or bad. Two, forgive. This is not for them, it's for you. Don't give them any more of your life than they've already taken. Three, accept your parents and family members for who they are and accept their limitations for allow yourself to get angry. Use your anger productively. Exercise, do sports, write in a journal, don't withhold your emotions. Five, seek guidance for yourself. Talk to someone, a counselor, a life coach, a close friend, or a distant relative. Six, limit your time. Do whatever it takes to limit the amount of time you have to spend with the toxic family member or members. Lastly, seven, set healthy boundaries and stop pretending their toxic behaviors, okay. And hold them accountable. Yes, hold their asses accountable and hold the enablers accountable because somewhere, somewhere, somewhere down the lines, you know, say this person is toxic, you got issues, you have a pattern of doing this, and y'all peep it and don't say nothing. Oh, but oh, that's your grandmother, that's your mother, that's your father, that's your grandfather, oh that's your aunt, da-da-da-da-da-da. So a lot of abuse be happening in these family dynamics. No, blood is not thicker than water. Don't you guys think it's interesting though how we've been hearing so many stories about race and black on white or white on black crimes. The fact that when black on black crimes occur, it becomes quiet. So, in the midst of all of this, you look at tragedies like this. We we hear about okay, in this case, this is black on black, in fact, this is family. And then also earlier this week, we heard about the teen couple, I believe both African American, 15 and 16, charged in the East, I think, St. Louis shootings that killed five of her family members. So the possible motive for those killings, those shootings, was well, no, no, no, I think they say was it sh yeah, it was shooting. Um, the possible motive was their relationship, the teen couple's relationship, right? The boyfriend's family put him out. So I just want to highlight the fact that the young girl, she's the 15-year-old, she's pregnant, and the 16-year-old boyfriend is the daddy, and the boyfriend's family put him out, and the young pregnant teen wanted to move the boyfriend into the home with her, and her family said no, and they wouldn't allow it, and this was a sick plot because they wanted to be together, they wanted to eliminate everybody that had a problem with their relationship, allegedly. Hmm. What the hell? So young, so dumb, 15 and 16. So not only can he can't move in with you, but your kid isn't gonna be living with neither one of you either, like, and then you know, there's this debate, discussion that's like, well, why didn't they take out both of the like sides of family members, right? Why did you guys only plot to take out just her family members when his family members put his ass out? So y'all don't have that strife with some of his members just target hers? Like who sat down and like came up with this? Who thought this was a good idea? Two knuckleheads, um, dumbasses. Um who did you guys do like rock, paper, scissors on what family members you're gonna knock out? Did you guys flip a coin? Like, why just her family members? What was so was she were they supposed to like annihilate the fam, her family, and then once they're gone, bring him in the home, and it's just them two in the home. Like, what the fuck? Like, blood is not thicker than water. And in and the reason why I'm saying this is because you know, we've hear, we've we've heard, we're hearing, have been hearing, we'll continue to hear a race war brewing. We hear many discussions, race, race, race. Black people saying it's white people's fault, white people saying it's black people's fault, other races are saying it's whoever's fault. People are uproaring about the injustice. Then people are arguing all right, well, y'all don't have the same noise and energy for your own black on black crimes, which is even worse. Not only is it black on black, but it's family killing family. What the fuck? Black people, we need to, yeah, segregation might be good. We need to stick together. And I remember I questioned stick where? Stick what like yo, yo. I mean, it can happen anywhere, you know, any family. It's not just black families killing black families, you know. You got white, you got Asian, you got different, you know. But it's like how convenient for this to happen, and then this comes right behind it. Like, see, they kill their own, and and anytime it's another race. Like, it's just so much shit that happens to just happen, and it's not like it's being synchronized, it's just things happen, and it's just funny how certain things get pushed out when it gets pushed out, and how frequently it gets pushed out. I feel this is for people overall, though. No matter the relationship dynamic, there are people who have toxic roommates, spouses, children. Remaining aware, self-reflect on yourself, but the people around you, the relationships you allow yourself to be in, and the why, why, why, why am I in this relationship? How am I benefiting? What do I offer and what am I receiving? If if there's reciprocation, do I feel safe? How's my nerve? Like, these are things you gotta be aware of. And it we're in a time, period, generation, season, whatever you'd like to label it, where you have to pay more careful attention and watch your surroundings. It's just different times now. You have to question. And it's not about race, it's about the person and the spirit that is operating within them or spirits. Maybe they're battling several. Maybe this person doesn't have a soul. You don't know what the hell happens. Just because you can't grew up in the same family dynamic, don't mean you guys are wired the same way. You know how some people are like, yeah, you know, both families. This one went to college and this one dropped out of high school and became a drug addict. Like, you nobody there's some things, precedence. There's some things that you can say, all right, this can have an effect, and there's other things that you can't explain it. So, how do you explain that? How do you justify it? Did it skip a lifetime, a generation, and a couple extra chromosomes sprinkled into this gener? Like, so many questions, right? But we only can control what we have control over. So being aware of what you allow in your space around you, what you allow yourself to entertain, what you allow yourself to absorb, what you allow yourself to tolerate, etc. And y'all know I gotta drop some Matthews on ya. And because wickedness is multiplied, most men's love will grow cold. And because wickedness is multiplied, most men's love will grow cold. Because lawlessness will multiply, the love of many will grow cold. The love that they had for one another will grow cold because few will obey the law. False prophets will appear, many will be taken in by them, and the only thing that will grow is wickedness. There will be no end to the increase of wickedness. Be safe, y'all. Stay prayed and peace out.